Self-care tips often drop to the bottom of a parent’s to-do list, yet author Maree Davis wants this to change.

I write this near the end of the school year here in the Southern Hemisphere. When my son Harry was younger, I was always on my knees by this point in the year (as was he). With this in mind, I thought I’d share some tips by an author whose book, ‘You Matter, Too: Self-Care for Parents of ADHD Kids,’ scored this five-star review on Amazon.

“Maree’s book gives mothers a place to meet without judgement, to bare their insecurities and exhaustion, to find peace in loving themselves. An excellent and kind-hearted read for those who face the challenges of mothering neurodiverse kids.”

Having read the book, Maree’s tips also impressed me, and I felt they were equally valid for parents with dyslexic children, so I contacted her for an interview.

Maree Davis on self-care tips for parents

Maree, you initially focused your book on boys with ADHD. Do you think the issues are different for girls with the condition?

I focused on boys because I’m a mom with a son who has ADHD. I knew that many situations I encountered, such as impulsivity, disruptive behaviour, etc., may not be relevant for girls, so I focused on this specific audience.

However, since publishing the book a year ago, I’ve received feedback showing that it applies to all parents and caregivers with sons or daughters who have ADHD. Therefore, I’ve changed the subtitle to ‘Self-Care for Parents of ADHD Kids’.

Parenting isolation

In parenting your ADHD son, did you feel isolated?

Yes, I often did, so one chapter title is “It’s a Lonely World.” I was lucky to have a supportive family and friends, but as much as they were there to “help,” no one really understood what I was going through as a parent. Attending social events—such as birthday parties and family get-togethers—with my son was like taking along a ticking time bomb. I was always on edge, waiting for the moment when things would turn to custard. Relaxing and enjoying myself was impossible.

When my son was disruptive, I often faced judgment from others about how I handled situations, so I found it easier to stay home. In a way, it wasn’t other people excluding us, but me choosing not to put myself in difficult situations.

How did the book come about?

Did you need to do research for your book?

The idea for this book developed over time. Many of the suggestions I make are based on my own experiences. I have done a lot of work on myself, engaging in learning about positive mental health and reading many books and scientific studies about ways to keep healthy (and sane).

I am also a holistic health practitioner with a science background; part of that role is helping people take better care of themselves. It’s always good to be able to practice what you preach.

Themes

What common themes did you discover for moms with ADHD kids?

Moms are amazing! They are selfless and will do anything for their children, but they often lose sight of their own needs in their tireless efforts, and as a result, their health suffers. Many mothers find it challenging to prioritise self-care. I think it’s essential that moms realise they must look after themselves to be the best they can be for their children.

Self-care is essential for all parents. Parenting is complex, and when additional challenges are thrown into the mix, such as learning or behavioural issues, it can really push anyone to their limits. Caring for ourselves makes the journey much easier and more enjoyable. Everyone in the household benefits when a parent engages in good self-care routines.

5 Self-care tips

When we think about self-care, we often think about what we can do for ourselves on a physical level. But replenishing ourselves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally is just as important and often missed. When it comes to self-care, my advice is to start small. Take little steps, and big changes will follow.

My 5 top self-care tips are:

1. Ask for help. Mothers often try to do everything themselves, which can result in burnout, exhaustion, or fatigue. Asking for help and sharing responsibilities with others in your household is a great start to your self-care regime. It could be as simple as getting Grandma to babysit for a couple of hours, or your older child to fold the washing. Every little bit helps.
2. Make time for a hobby. Learn something new or pick up something you have tried before. The options are endless—ballroom dance classes, a new sport, learning a language, art classes, pottery, joining a choir, etc. Engaging our brains and learning something new is a way of mentally engaging ourselves, taking self-care to a new level.
3. Learn to say no. If you’re in the habit of over-committing, then you need to step back and reassess what’s on your plate. Give yourself permission to let go of the things you “should” do and just focus on what’s truly important for you and your family. And when new opportunities arise, assess them before committing.
4. Treat yourself. Do something nice for yourself every day. It can be as indulgent as getting a massage or manicure, relaxing in a hot bath, or going out for a coffee with a friend. Or as simple as listening to music, savouring a square of your favourite chocolate, or giving yourself a compliment. Just make sure you do something EVERY SINGLE DAY.
5. Experience Mindful Moments. Start with five minutes of mindfulness, where you focus on yourself and notice all your senses.
   You can make this a special moment or incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Some ideas to get you started are: Step outside, smell the flowers, admire their beauty, and feel the grass beneath your feet.Sit in your favourite chair and drink your favourite beverage. Savour the flavour, and feel the warmth or coolness of the cup. Enjoy the peace as you smell the brew.
   Have a foot bath. Notice the sensations in your feet as they enter the water. Add essential oils to the bath, and breathe in their fragrances. Practice mindfulness in the shower. Feel the water on your body, and smell the shampoo in your hair.Listen to your favourite tunes.

Thank you for your self-care tips, Maree.

Self-care tips in this post are taken from You Matter, Too, by Maree Davis.

How to get Maree’s book about self-care tips

Visit Amazon.com

What self-care routine do you use?

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For more self-care tips, check out my blog post on beating the 4 AM anxiety trap.

To learn how to teach spelling and reading to your child in just 30 minutes a day, click here.